Marginalia circulated before readiness or after usefulness hard to tell now the position is not unclear it is swollen with explanation and still missing the ligament that would let it stand upright this page was meant to steady thinking but it keeps tilting whenever it becomes aware of itself the language reaches for certainty then flinches like it heard its own name: this sets a clear direction no it sets a posture posture travels better than belief growth was removed late not because it failed but because it demanded too much oxygen from ██████ (added after midnight) (leaving it in felt like lying) (taking it out felt like laundering) both versions still breathe between sentences where nobody wants to look // focus narrowed then narrowed again then renamed discipline so it could survive the meeting someone circled a word until the paper buckled then crossed out the circle and wrote define this and never returned the definition sits somewhere between [REDACTED] and superstition (yawn) // the working belief remains that repetition can still masquerade as care that saying the same thing again with fewer adjectives will land differently this time that memory has not yet fossilised into irritation this has not been tested only remembered selectively from projects that did not object // trust appears here often mostly as a decoy trust will rebuild softened to trust may return softened again to reduced friction (sounds mechanical behaves that way) the word keeps moving because when left still it starts to accuse // a confident version of this collapsed immediately an honest one stalled and grew barnacles this one learned to breathe shallowly calm enough to circulate quiet enough to pass without being stopped there was approval from ██████ and it arrived too quickly to be reassuring (why did this sound clever yesterday) // there is a sentence missing here it named a consequence too directly someone said it would distract someone said it would alarm someone said it would be weaponised someone else underlined weaponised twice and said nothing so the sentence was euthanised and left behind a gravity well that keeps bending the surrounding language // consistency is framed as restraint restraint as maturity maturity as knowing what not to say most of what mattered ended up unsaid and migrated to the margins where it keeps reproducing as arrows warnings defensive jokes // the edges are doing the labour now the centre keeps insisting it exists like a logo nobody can quite recall approving the margins keep filling one note says this feels late another asks late compared to what another says we have been here before and is crossed out as corrosive // internal resistance is acknowledged obliquely as if friction responds to euphemism as if history listens to tone alignment crossed out three times still remains like a watermark soaked into the page (this again) // the plan moves in phases because phases buy time: time to see if this survives contact time to see if anyone notices what has been ██████ impact deferred durability promoted quietly (as if it volunteered) // resources are fixed they were always fixed naming this now reads like an apology written after the doors closed prioritisation already happened elsewhere this page is catching up pretending it arrived first // edits were made for clarity for safety for travel it is no longer clear which sharpened the thinking only which improved circulation the cleanest sentences are also the most suspicious // the document still works that is the problem it can be defended without being believed it can be used without being trusted it can be passed upward unchanged best available option available to whom best compared to what these questions were exiled to the margin where they multiplied and started muttering // if this reads as composed it is because composition was compulsory panic does not format doubt does not survive templates what remains is what fit inside the page without alarming ██████ // we were tired by this point and someone said fuck and nobody disagreed // a small note near the bottom asks why does this feel calmer than it was another hand answers because unease edits itself a third hand adds and calls it strategy then scratches it out and writes toxic smaller // revisit when conditions change [they already have] [they always do] still not sure this should have been written still here anyway